My Kid Googled Me

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After a long week, I took The Kid and I to one of her favorite places, Red Robin, for dinner. I thought it might be nice to spend some quality time together and not have to do dishes for once. But I forgot that my daughter hates to chitchat during meals; she prefers to sit down and eat quietly, zoning out to the sounds of people chewing their food. This, of course, drives her chitchatty mother absolutely mad because god dammit I am paying for a lovely meal with my daughter and I expect to have a real conversation that includes more than “Can I have a sleepover/Barbie/Dairy Queen/playdate/another cat/soda instead of milk?”

Instead I get this:

How was school today?
GOOD.
How was lunch?
GOOD.
Did you eat lunch today?
YES. WELL MOST OF IT. SOME OF IT.
(chewing chewing chewing chewing)
OK, what else did you do at school today?
AT RECESS WE PLAYED GROUNDIES, AND I WAS A TIGER PRINCESS.
Um, ok then (has no idea what “groundies” is) … what did you LEARN at school today?
(chewing chewing vacant staring chewing chewing)
Hello? Did you hear my question?
WHAT QUESTION?
What kinds of things did you learn about at school today?
OH I DIDN’T HEAR YOU BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE NOISE.
(vacant staring chewing chewing)
So …. what did you learn today at school then?
AT SCHOOL WE ARE DOING REPORTS ABOUT STATES AND GUESS WHICH STATE I CHOSE.
Colorado.
NOPE.
Hawaii.
NO, I STUDIED THAT STATE LAST YEAR, REMEMBER?
Yes, I do remember. Um, Florida?
YES, I WAS BORN THERE BUT NO, NO I AM NOT STUDYING THAT STATE.
Nebraska.
NO.
OK then I don’t know where.
PENNSYLVANIA, WHERE YOU GREW UP.
Oh that’s ni–
AND GUESS WHAT? I GOOGLED YOU. BECAUSE YOU’RE FROM PENNSYLVANIA.
(blinking blinking blinking blinking blinking)
AND GUESS WHAT CAME UP?
(blinking blinking blinking blinking blinking)
DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID, MOM? I GOOGLED YOU.
(clears throat) Yea … um …

Now, I tell folks, college students especially, to Google themselves and how you really need to be in charge of and shape your online persona, etc etc etc. So my own words, often spoken in classrooms, rang in my ears when I heard my own offspring tell me she had Googled me. There are just certain things that sounds really weird when they come out of your child’s mouth for the first time. Curse words, for one. Really fancy words they are trying out. Any word you didn’t use when you were their age, like “text” as in “Can you text Paige’s mom to see if you can have a sleepover?”

And here she was, telling me she had Googled me and read things I’ve written and saw photos I posted. Including a photo of her.

I SAW A PHOTO OF THAT TIME I CRASHED MY BIKE AND I SPLIT MY LIP OPEN.
Oh yea?
I CANNOT *BELIEVE* YOU PUT THAT ON THE INTERNET.
Oh yea?
YEA THAT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING, MOM.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.
WHY DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?
Well, I just —
I CANNOT BELIEVE I STILL HAVE A SCAR FROM THAT. IT WAS PRETTY BAD.
I know. But I’m glad you’re OK now.

 

What does it all mean? It means The Kid knows about things like Facebook, the Internet, Googling people, texting, and that I write and post pictures online and sometimes it’s about her, about us. Like I’m doing RIGHT NOW. Is this how generations before me felt about rock n’ roll? About tattoos? About other new fandangled things that don’t make any sense and feel kind of scary and unknown when put into the hands of our children? And will one day she blog/Facebook/Instagram/insert new fandangled social media outlet here about me?

It’s just weird. #holdme

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2 thoughts on “My Kid Googled Me

  1. Rachel says:

    THIS. I’m terrified of these exact things that are in my future if we have kids.

  2. admin says:

    I think it’s unavoidable. And I also think it’s a little fun to mess with your kids. Like “BOOGA BOOGA! I USED TO BE COOL AND HIP AND RIDICULOUS! Oh wait, you still think I’m ridiculous? Just way less cool and hip? Huh.”

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